Regrets
by Sassafras1009
Summary: Fenris reads a letter from Varric while at a tavern, and doesn't recognize that someone has spotted him. Danarius is dead, Hadriana is dead. Who is this woman? "I'm an old friend," she claims. Hawke is gone, his heart is shattered, and now this woman shows up?
1. Receiving the news

AN and Disclaimer: I do not own Fenris, Dragon Age, or any Dragon Age characters mentioned in this story. My OC is my own creation, my own ideas are mine, but nothing else.

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A droplet fell onto the letter, causing the ink to bleed and smear as he desperately tried to wipe it away. He had effectively succeeded in ruining the letter even more. He was inside, why was water falling onto the letter? The growing lump in his throat which he was relieved of only as a strangled sob escaped his throat gave him the answer. The water came from him, his tears. He was crying. He didn't know why he was surprised. Ten years together, ten perfect years with his perfect woman and now she was gone. For the first time he cursed himself for allowing her to teach him how to read, but then regretted it instantly. If he hadn't learned how to read, he wouldn't know that she was gone. Gone. Where would life take him now?

Varric had said something about entering the fade and not coming out. He couldn't decipher his own emotions at the moment. He was hurt, bitter, enraged, and sad. He suspected this must be what mourning feels like, he could logically see no other reason to feel such a jumble of emotions at once.

The others had been forced away from her after Anders, that blighted idiot apostate had destroyed the chantry and in doing so began a war between the mages and the chantry its self. He'd fought at his love's side, defending mages. Mages! The one thing he always thought he'd kill if he ever had reason without any question, yet he'd defended them. He'd defended them in honour of Marian Hawke, in honour of her late sister, Bethany.

Carver was the only Hawke still alive now, as far as he knew. The line was ending. They hadn't been without hope that they'd have at least one of their own, but their efforts had been fruitless. He suspected, but never voiced that it had something to do with her battle against the Arishok, during which she'd gained the title 'Champion of Kirkwall'.

He had stayed away per her request when she went to see the Inquisitor. He'd had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, looking back on it now it was like a form of clairvoyance. He had known. He quietly placed the letter face down and ran a gauntlet covered hand through his hair, wanting to hide but not wanting to move.

He didn't hear the bartender approach, he didn't hear the request being made. The sound of something being placed heavily on the bar made him glance up. The bar tender had sat down a bottle of whiskey and a small shot glass in front of him.

"I-I can't-" he began to stammer out.

"Someone already paid for it. You want to take the bottle to your room, take it," The bar tender replied as he turned back away from him. The bar tender was an overweight man with greying brown hair, and Fenris had noted he didn't treat his waitresses too well. The man's name was 'Lloyd' but he often just referred to him as 'pig' whenever he wasn't in ear shot.

Fenris eyed the bottle of whiskey in contemplation. He wanted to drink. He wanted nothing more than to escape into a drunken oblivion, but when he sobered the letter would still exist. She would still be gone.

He bit his lip to keep it from trembling, and succeeded quite well in tasting his own blood spill into his mouth.

He cursed in Tevene under his breath as he grabbed the bottle of whiskey, and the letter as he stood up. He exited the bar, his bowl of lamb stew sat at his seat untouched.

Behind him in the far corner of the bar away from him, a woman with long brown hair, pulled back into a high pony tail watched as he walked away. Her eyes darted to his untouched food and she took notice of the contents. She gave a small smile as she thought to herself, _'somethings never change.'_

"Hey, that whiskey bottle is ten soverigns," the bar tender told her, a sly smirk spreading across his face, "how are you going to pay?"

She rolled her eyes and placed a coin bag on the bar, he quirked a brow at her and she simply shrugged as she headed for the door.

The bar tender counted the gold coins inside of the coin purse before he paled and called over her, "Hey! You gave me too much."

The woman stopped walking, turning only slightly to ensure that the repulsive man would hear her.

"No I didn't. That should cover anything he drinks for the next few days. Expect him to drink quite a bit. For him to show that much emotion—I've never seen him so upset," she replied, she turned her head away as her eyes closed, fighting back her own emotions at the revelation. Whatever that letter's contents were, it was clear that now was not the time to approach him.

The bar tender scratched the side of his head. The oddly marked elf was obviously someone this woman knew, yet she was human. She knew him well enough to read his behavior, she said she knew the elf himself.

The bartender looks to the white haired woman, only now noticing she conceals herself with clothing more so than a chantry sister. She wears skin tight pants that likely go down further than her boots permit the eye to see, her shirt covers straight up to just under her chin and the sleeves extend to her wrists, where black leather gloves cover her hands. In fact all you can see of this woman is her face despite the fact that it's summer and she must roast in that attire.

Out of curiosity Lloyd found himself asking, "who is that elf to you?"

The woman's face gained a brief look of shock before her expression returned to it's relaxed and unreadable façade, she simply replied as she left the tavern, "an old friend."

Taking a deep breath, the woman filled her lungs with the night air, she closed her eyes and focused her senses, sniffing the air she located the faint scent she was searching for and ran off to a nearby building. If she couldn't speak with him tonight, she'd do all she could from a safe distance.


	2. memories

"I am alone," Fenris heard his own voice echoing in his mind.

"I'm here, Fenris," Hawke replied as she took a step towards him. He had rubbed her cheek affectionately, and given her a smile. She always knew just what to say and when.

Fenris wiped the falling tears from his face at the memory. That's when he'd known. She didn't hate him, much as he deserved to have her hate him. He opened the bottle of whiskey and bringing the bottle to his lips took a long pull from it.

He glanced down at the faded and tattered red scarf on his wrist left wrist. He rarely took it off except to wash it. It was a favor from Hawke, the first night they had been intimate. It had never left his sight, seeing it now on his wrist however made his vision cloud with unshed tears once more. He downed more whiskey, the burn of the alcohol descending down his throat was pleasant, but it didn't numb the ache in his heart or fill the void that seemed to consume his entire being.

He looked at the whiskey, it wasn't horrible, but it just wasn't how he'd expect it to be. He screwed the lid back onto the bottle, and set it on the floor next to his bed. Standing, he began removing his armour, he knew sleep would likely not come to him tonight, but he also knew that if Marian was with him and he didn't at least try to sleep she wouldn't stop nagging at him until he went to bed.

He hesitated before he began to remove the left gauntlet, taking the scarf off with it. He untied the red fabric and held it close to his face, letting his tears saturate the small piece of cloth, the one thing he currently had with him from her.

From across the street a lone figure stayed still, laying on her stomach as she watched the scene through Fenris' hotel room window. She felt a sharp stab in her chest, and knew that no physical element was to blame for it. He was hurting. Something was causing him so much pain that he hadn't taken notice of her yet. This wasn't the Fenris she knew. Her mind began to drift back to when she had first meet the boy that Fenris had once been. She had always worked with Varania doing the cleaning at Denarius' mansion, but one day in particular Varania had been deathly ill. Since she was unable to work Denarius had given some semblance of concern for the elven child and allowed her the day off to rest and recouperate, that had come to be only with her friend begging for Varania's life to be considered. She had always suspected what had happened that day was Denarius attempting to receive "payment" for his generosity. She could recall every sound, every motion, every smell as if it had happened only an hour ago.

A fourteen-year-old girl with brown hair and green eyes screamed as she wrestled with the armored man on top of her. He placed his hand over her throat, squeezing it. She felt panic rise up within her chest. 'He's going to kill me. I'm going to be raped after I'm dead,' she thought to herself frantically.

Suddenly there was a sickening sound of something heavy colliding with the back of the man's head, his eyes rolled back in his head and his body went limp as he collapsed onto the frightened teenaged girl.

She was instantly disgusted, pushing against his non responsive body, when someone lifted the man off of her, throwing his unconscious frame onto the floor. A boy with white hair, green eyes that matched her eye tone and elven ears was now looking at her. His black eye brows furrowed in concern as he out stretched his hand to her, "did he hurt you?"

"Not yet," she replied, her voice a bit shaky as she grasped his hand. He gently pulled her to her feet.

"Then I'm glad Denarius wanted me to fetch wine from the cellar," he replied, offering a small smile to the girl.

"You're Leto, Varania's brother, I've seen you with her," the girl replied.

Leto smiled as he gave a small chuckle, "Varania likes to talk."

"She speaks well of you, and your combat skill," the girl added.

"Does she? Well, perhaps one day it will serve us both well," Leto replied.

Anxiety began to creep over the girl's face, "Denarius isn't going to like what happened here."

"I'll take responsibility. I'm the one who attacked him, not you," Leto stated as he headed to the cellar.

The girl's eyes widened, "to protect me! I can't let you do that."

"Try to stop me," he challenged as he disappeared from sight.

A few hours later they were in the slave's sleeping chambers, she was gently dabbing Varania's face with a cool damp cloth, happy that her friend's fever appeared to be less than what it had been earlier that day.

"Are you alright?"

The voice had startled her momentarily as she snapped out of her thoughts, and glanced over to see Leto behind her, he held in his hands two bowls of cold stew, offering her one.

She smiled as she sat the cloth down and accepted the bowl, "Thank you—and yes I'm alright. A little jumpy I suppose but—"

Leto sat next to her, "you should learn how to defend yourself. Varania knows a few basics, I taught her."

She shook her head 'no', "I know how to fight back, he just took me by surprise. I'd been distracted all day. Thinkning of Varania and hoping—"

"Foolish. You shouldn't let that consume your mind. She's not your family," Leto growled out.

"I know that," The girl replied.

She bit her lip and rested the cold bowl of food on her lap as she admitted, "in case you haven't noticed I don't look like the other slaves here. Most of them don't even acknowledge me. Varania doesn't treat me different than any of the elven girls. She's the only one."

"So it's only my sister who looks out for you? Thanks," Leto remarked.

She gave a small smiled and nodded, "And you, yes. But we don't talk much. I doubt you even know my name."

"Serena," Leto stated.

At the mentioning of that name, Serena looked to Leto with a shocked expression on her face.

Leto gave a small blush before adding, "I also know you prefer to drink milk. You like tulips more than roses, and your favourite colour is green."

His voice lowered, "And I know you're a slave because you're elf-blooded. You were born here, your mother conceived with one of Denarius' apprentices, but she died during birth. You were raised by the other elven mothers here, my own included."

Serena's jaw dropped making an 'oh' shape with her mouth. He caught her eye and gave her a shy smile, "still think my sister is the only one who cares?"

Now, years later she found herself stomach down on a roof, her head level with Fenris' window as he blew out the light in the oil lamp and crawled under the blankets of the hotel room bed. From where she was, she could see his shoulders visibly shaking and her keen hearing could pick up the sound of his sobs.

' _Leto—Fenris—I was never as good a friend to you as you were to me. I'm here now. Even if you still don't remember me,'_ She thought to herself.


	3. Archer

The morning sun filtered into the window of his room, Fenris growled, covering his face with his hand. That damn sun, what business did it have to shine today of all days? The first day knowing that Hawke was gone? He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillow. He wasn't ready to get up, he contemplated never leaving a bed again in fact. His head was pounding and he knew he had to be hungry, but if he was honest with himself he didn't care.

His whole world had ended when he read that letter, the funeral had probably already taken place there was no point in making the journey out that far, for what? Ashes? Could he cuddle into the ashes as he fell asleep at night? Could he joke with the ashes, and receive witty remarks from the ashes when his bitterness gripped him? Could the ashes remind him that he was a person before anything else, that he belonged to no one but himself? No. No, his Hawke was gone. Claiming her ashes wouldn't change that. He had felt alone when Varania had sold him out in an attempt to become a magister. Back then, ten years ago he hadn't truly been alone, but now he was.

At this thought fresh tears began to fall onto the white pillow case. How could this be happening? It should've been him. It could have been him! Why had he relented when she'd asked him to stay behind? He should've insisted on going with her, protecting her. She protected Kirkwall, but he always protected her but now he hadn't and this was the result.

He unleashed a sound like a wounded animal as he curled into a ball under the blankets, suddenly wishing someone would touch his markings just so he'd have a distraction from this emotional and psychological torment.

From across the street, Serena watched and closed her eyes momentarily heaving a heavy sigh from her lips, her sole thought being, _'I wish I could take this pain into myself, Leto. You don't deserve to suffer like this.'_

Her eyes caught sight of movement from the hotel roof. Her expression hardened, her jaw locking while her eyes narrowed as she drew the bow off of her back, she grabbed three arrows, and held the ironwood bow sideways in front of her as she aligned the arrows, then pulled back the bow string.

Three armored men approached Fenris' window, and a second later fell with an arrow protruding from each of their necks.

' _C'mon, Leto! Get up and draw your blade,'_ Serena inwardly pleaded.

Inside the room, Fenris heard the commotion but ignored it, he gripped the red scarf between his hands and held it close to his chest, _'let them come. I'll be with Hawke again.'_

Serena unleashed another set of arrows taking out three more men, then a final one to take out the remaining assassin. Serena thought to herself as she heard movement behind her. She gently set the bow down, and spun around, there were five men there!

She gritted her teeth as she rolled forward, knocking two men back and drew her daggers as she returned to her feet. She blocked an attack from behind herself, holding the man's blade away from her with her own dagger, then kicked him away. Another approached from behind her, she remained still and angled her daggers so the man impaled his stomach on her blades. She then pulled the blades to the side, leaving gaping wounds on both sides of his abdomen.

She dropped a smoke bomb onto the ground, then attacked three men during the smoke screen, leaving only one alive after her cover had receded. The man crawled away from her but she approached him, a menacing look on her face as she phased her hand into his chest making him gasp and choke.

"We are not his prey, make sure you inform him of that," Serena growled before she permitted her hand to phase out of him, leaving him groaning and fighting for breath. He scrambled to his feet and weakly left the roof.

Serena sheathed her blades and replaced her bow onto her back before heading off of the roof.

' _That was careless, Leto. We need to talk,'_ she mentally berated her old friend as she left the roof top.


	4. I'm with you

The commotion died down, and Fenris' eyes closed, silently wishing he still had a reason to live. He wished death would take him but sleep was the one to claim him.

He sat on a cold cobble stone floor, cross legged in front of him was Varania and another girl who looked human. She pushed her mousy brown hair behind one ear, revealing that her ears were noticeably elven shaped, the rest of her features however would never mark her as an elf-blooded human.

He flicked the marble near him it collided with the others on the floor causing both girls to utter dismayed groans as the marbles scattered outside of the circle. He smirked and gave a small chuckle. He felt eyes on him and glanced up, his smile fading when he noticed the brunette haired girl had turned her head. Had she been watching him? He felt his face heat up in a small blush as he continued with the marbles.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door. Both girls scrambled to their feet, and moved as far from the door as they could. He stood, kicking the marbles to the far corner of the room, under an old tattered dresser before he backed himself away from the door standing in front of the two girls. It was only the three of them in the room, the older slaves were off working but there were no tasks for younglings today. He looked about fourteen, possibly fifteen years old.

"Leto," Varania whispered in a frightened tone.

"Nothing'll happen, just stay calm," he replied.

From the corner of his eye he saw the brunette girl taking Varania's hand in her own and giving it a small squeeze.

Varania seemed to relax as the brunette haired girl released her hand.

The door flung open, nearly flying off its hinges as various drunk guards entered the slaves sleeping chambers.

"Well now, what do we have here? Two young, fertile maidens," one of the guards sneared. Young Fenris, who had then gone by 'Leto' stared the man down defiantly.

"You filthy snakes!"

"Take the girls, kill the boy," The head of the group, he guessed the Captain perhaps, ordered.

Leto balled his hands into fists, "Try it. See which limb you lose first!"

There was some slight commotion behind him, chancing a quick glance he saw that the brunette had inserted herself between himself and Varania. She gave slight nod to him as if to say 'I'm with you'. He smirked as he grabbed a guard's wrist and leapt up kicking the human in the center of his face. The man dropped his sword which Leto quickly picked up.

The girl had managed to render one guard unconscious and now held his concealed knives, one in each hand as she attacked another nearby guard.

"Kaffas," he heard one of the guards growl out as young Leto brought the sword's blade down on the unsuspecting drunk.

Fenris' eyes opened as he glanced around the room, he was still at the hotel room. Nothing had changed. Gingerly he brought a hand to his temple as he sat up, panting. Who was that girl? A friend? A former girlfriend? Where was she?

He knew he shouldn't search for his past, he'd made that mistake before with Varania and it had nearly cost him everything he'd been fighting for. Still, the way they worked together against those guards it reminded him of how he and Hawke would fight together. Her supporting him while he took the offensive lead.

He scowled, a name was coming to him, Sarah? Selina?

A loud knock at his door broke him from his thoughts. He scowled as he answered the knock, "No service today!"

Another loud knock.

"The room is paid," he growled, becoming irritated.

A third loud knock.

He flung the blankets back, grateful that he still had his pants on and dashed for the door, flinging it open he opened his mouth to speak, but was shocked into silence at the sight in front of him. There in the door way stood a full grown human woman. She was dressed from neck down in nothing but black, her hands were covered by black leather gloves, she wore black trousers which extended past her knee and were met by black leather boots at her knees. She had a belt with various compartments fastened at her waist. Her hair was pulled back into a high pony tail, yet he noted the hair was carefully styled to cover her ears.

Raising her right hand, she pushed the mousy brown locks that covered her ears behind one ear, revealing the exact same ears he'd seen his dream not an hour ago.

His eyes grew wide as he noticed the faint white markings on her ears, similar to his own.

"We need to talk, Leto," She stated.

What was her name? Not Sarah, not Selina… he always thought it seemed like a combination of the two, and sounded beautiful, even calming.

"Serena," he breathed.


	5. Stay with me

"You should get dressed, we have much to discuss," Serena stated as she entered the hotel room.

Fenris glanced at his bare chest and shrugged as he grabbed his tunic and pulled it over his head while he asked, "how did you find me?"

"I've been searching for a few years now. I would've looked sooner but extenuating circumstances kept me from searching," Serena admitted.

"What sort of 'extenuating circumstances'?"

Serena glanced outside of his hotel room window as she replied with her own question, "how much do you remember?"

"I barely remember your name, but I remember your face. I remember that you're elf-blooded. I remember us fighting off some of Danarius' drunken guardsmen," Fenris listed off.

His brow furrowed in confusion as well as distrust, "and you have yet to answer my question."

"I in fact did answer your question. You already know the answer to it, you just haven't remembered it yet," Serena answered.

She looked over to him and smiled as she added, "the drunken guardsmen are what alerted Danarius to the fact that you and I were unlike the other slaves. We were suited to be bodyguards. You became Danarius' bodyguard, and I became his sister's bodyguard. That day changed the course of our lives forever—but not in a very good way at first."

She backed away from the window, and pulled down a leather glove, just enough for Fenris to see the same white lyrium markings that were branded into his skin.

She looked to Fenris and then adverted her eyes to the floor. She wet her lips before continuing, "Danarius and Minerva were quite intent on us both receiving these markings. I'm sure you realized by now that you competed for yours. Did you know, though, you weren't the first to receive them?"

"I wasn't aware there was another slave in Danarius' service to have these markings," Fenris confessed.

"That's because I only had them for a year when I left, or rather when you competed for the chance to gain your markings, so you could free your mother, your sister - and myself," Serena revealed.

Fenris felt his blood turn to ice, remembering Varania's voice telling him 'freedom was no boon! I look at you now and I think you got the better end of the bargin.'

He shivered at the memory, causing Serena to give him an empathetic glance.

"I take it you've been in contact with Varania since your escape," Serena surmised. His slight nod of his head indicated to her all too well that their reunion had not gone well.

"Like you told me years ago, Varania likes to use her words. I don't think she realizes how cold she sounds at times. I don't think she ever did, really," Serena offered.

Fenris finished attaching his breastplate to his tunic.

"Not that I'm not curious about all of this, but is there a point?"

Serena quirked a brow at him, "yes, actually. Just before I knocked on your door, I had to kill eleven hunters who were intent on skinning you alive. Taking out the first seven alerted them to my presence and the remaining five turned their attention to me."

"I did not ask you to kill them for my sake," Fenris growled out.

"I'm well aware of that. In fact you didn't even raise your blade. I know you received some troubling news yesterday. I was in the tavern when you read that letter. It upset you so much you didn't even touch your lamb stew. You just took the bottle of whiskey and headed off to your room," Serena retorted.

She advanced on him and then when she was close enough drew her blade and moved to stab his neck, but halted the dagger a mere inch from his skin. He hadn't even flinched.

"You don't care about your life? What did that letter contain to make you, the one who always took up arms against injustice, give up?"

"My wife is dead," Fenris hissed out.

"If you must know, that's what the letter was! Telling me of her passing. That she won't be coming home," he clarified, not bothering to hide his anger at her intrusion into his personal life.

Serena's scowl softened as she lowered the dagger, her shoulders sagged as she shook her head, "I'm sorry, Leto—I—I couldn't begin to imagine."

She sheathed the blade, and offered her hand out to Fenris. He eyed her hand skeptically, before meeting her gaze.

"These hunters aren't going to back down until they get us. It's obvious right now you're in no mental state to fight. Soon this sadness will turn to anger, and when it does, vent your grief against them at my side, until then I'll fight for you. Stay with me til it's resolved. After, if you wish to part ways we can," she proposed.

Fenris raised a brow at her as he asked, "why would you willingly endanger yourself like that? You stand a much better chance of surviving without worrying about me."

"Because once, a very long time ago—" Serena began as she grasped a small silver ring with a green gem in it, a trinket he couldn't remember ever receiving but knew it had to be his, "—you did the same for me and more. I owe you a debt I can never repay. This is just a small gesture to that end."

"You owe me nothing," Fenris answered.

'Stubborn as ever,' Serena thought to herself as she turned away.

"You and your wife, did you have any children?"

"That is none of your business," Fenris snapped.

"That's where you're wrong. It is my business because if anything happens to you and your wife has no relatives to care for them, I'm the only one who knows where their half-sister is," Serena stated.

Fenris froze in shock as the words sank into his mind and he glared at Serena before shouting, "What?!"

"You have a daughter. She's hidden, but she's safe," Serena restated.


	6. Questions

Fenris took several slow, deep breaths trying to keep his composure. A daughter? When? With whom? How? None of this made any sense. He brought his hands up to his hair, running his fingers through it as he sat on the edge of the bed.

' _A daughter? I have a daughter? How old is she? What colour is her hair? Is she a warrior like me or a mage like her Aunt? What's her name? when was she born? What does she look like? Does she not like fish either? Can she sing or dance? Who is her mother? How did I not know? Why didn't Hadriana tell me about my own child? I thought falling for Hawke while my memories flashed back and then disappeared again was torture. This really is too much! I don't even know if I can be a father right now,'_ his mind ran like an out of control carriage about to topple over.

"I realize it's a lot to take in. that's why I was hoping you had all of your memories back," Serena admitted as she watched him.

"It's too much. It's too soon, it's too sudden. All of these changes," Fenris rambled as he pulled gently at his hair.

" _So Gamlen couldn't even be bothered to come himself? I should've expected that he'd send you, Cousin," A woman's voice echoed in his mind._

 _Marian's surprised voice responded to the statement soon after, "I have a cousin?"_

Gamlen had been an absolute wreck, no money, no job, no prospects, and a gambling addiction. He'd spent his entire family fortune looking for the Gem of Keroshek, and never knew he had a daughter until Charade had gone looking for him a year after her mother passed away.

That's right! Gamlen had taken to being the father of an adult daughter with fair ease. This wouldn't be so bad would it? No diapers, no spit up, no worrying about having to fight off bounty hunters with an infant in tow. Just a daughter, a next generation to his bloodline. He wouldn't have hesitated to change diapers or help with late night feedings if he'd been there when those things were needed, and he certainly would've been more than willing to take on an army if his child and her mother were in danger.

His voice sounded nearly foreign to him as he inquired, "how old is she?"

"She'd be nineteen now. She was eighteen when I left her to find you," Serena answered.

He stopped staring at the floor and raised his head to meet her gaze, "you've been searching for me for the past year?"

"Eighteen months, actually," Serena clarified, "I was trying to sniff out some information when one of Cassiel's men spotted me. I lucked out and managed to give them the slip but I began to worry. I wouldn't chance endangering her. She was raised in a Dalish clan, they're the ones keeping her safe now and the Keeper is especially fond of her. She won't let anything happen. Not that she needs too much protecting, mind you. She's quite the fighter herself."

' _Cassiel? Hadriana's eldest son. That figures,'_ Fenris thought to himself as he let out a heavy sigh.

She rubbed the back of her neck and gave him an apologetic look, "I know you must have questions, Leto, but I really think it's best you remember a majority of those answers yourself. If you don't want me close that's fine. I'll keep you safe from distance as I have for many others but right now we have to move. You can't stay here another night like a sitting duck waiting to be plucked."

"Fenris," he corrected.

"Err- I'm sorry?"

"You keep calling me 'Leto'. I know that was my name before I received these markings but—it feels unnatural to me. I go by Fenris these days," He explained.

"I see," Serena replied as she fixe her hair in a looking glass to once again cover her elven shaped ears.

"Alright then Fenris. Whenever you're ready, we'll be off," she stated.

"To where?"

"Well until we can either draw Cassiel out himself or take our blades to his throat in person I don't think we should go back to the Dalish clan. I've been with them long enough to know their travel patterns. I'll be able to find them anytime of the year," Serena shared.

Fenris nodded, "One other question… what is her name?"

"Letaya," Serena replied.

Fenris gave a confused expression as he repeated, "Letaya?"

"A combination of Leto and Lanaya. Lanaya is the Keeper of the clan that she was raised in," Serena answered.

Fenris chuckled a bit as he shook his head, "quite the moniker her mother chose."

"Oh?"

"If I'd had a say, I would've named her after my mother," he admitted.

"Marian and I often spoke of that. A little girl named Amaya, or a little boy named Malcolm—that was Marian's father," Fenris revealed.

Serena gave him a smile, although he thought it looked a bit forced.

He glanced at his few belongings as he picked up his travel pack and began packing it with his items. As he did so he spoke again, "to answer your question from earlier, no. Marian and I never had children. We wanted to, it just wasn't meant to be."

"A part of it is the lyrium," Serena revealed.

Fenris gave Serena a shocked glance.

"I've had time to research these markings. It doesn't affect women, but men who receive these markings often find they are no longer able or less likely to have children," she gave a small shrug as she looked out of the window.

"Then Letaya was conceived before I received my markings… I was sixteen," Fenris reasoned.

Serena nodded, "So was her mother."

Fenris finished packing his belongings and slung the pack over his shoulder. He glanced at the red scarf laying on the bed side stand. He contemplated for a moment before grabbing it and tying it to his left wrist again.

Serena smiled at the action and asked, "Sentimental?"

"Very," was the vague response from the white haired man as he looked to her. She could tell by his expression he didn't wish to discuss it further.

She left the hotel room, Fenris followed her in silence. They remained that way past the barmaid, past the tavern doors and into the street. They walked in silence through the streets, several people glancing at Serena's attire and Fenris' markings as they continued on their way.

After a while Fenris looked to Serena, "have you lost someone close to you? Uh- not that I mean to pry. Simply—"

"I get it," Serena interrupted.

She was silent for a moment before replying, "there is someone I was very close to once. I'd even say I loved him, but he ceased to be a long time ago. I didn't have time to mourn right when it happened. There were other things that I had to deal with as well that were more pressing. It was months before I could shed my tears for him, but it felt so good to let that pain out."

"I—can't really imagine holding that pain in," Fenris admitted.

"It wasn't easy, but I knew if I didn't keep myself safe I'd be letting him down. I couldn't do that," Serena offered, "even when he was no longer with me, he was still there, giving me strength. Your Marian is with you as well, Fenris."

She turned and pointed to her own heart, "right here. As long as it beats, she'll never leave you. It's also what makes the memories unbearable right now, but you'll learn to cope with time."

"Does the pain ever get any less?"

"No. You just learn how to live with it. If you still shed tears for her in twenty years, then shed them. It's your right," Serena advised.


	7. cannot forgive

Fenris sat at the camp fire, gently prodding the embers with a wooden stick they'd located. Serena lay on her bedroll, sleep had taken her with ease. He couldn't say he blamed her. They'd been trekking now for a few weeks, making camp wherever was relatively safe, staying at hotels whenever they had the coin for a room. Serena reminded him greatly of Hawke in her willingness to help others. They'd taken on a few odd jobs here and there. Mostly find and rescue jobs involving children or retrieving stolen property.

Serena also took on some really unusual jobs that sometimes made him question her sanity. Like locating flowers for a bridal party. The bride was a horribly spoiled woman who wanted only pink roses without any thorns and lush green leaves for the bouquets and they had to be retrieved from a specific lake side which just happened to be swarming with wildlife.

They'd managed to gather enough for four bouquets however, and true to her word the bride had paid them well for their efforts. She had taken first watch for the majority of the past weeks, and Fenris didn't recall her once waking him to take over during those nights. So now he sat keeping watch while she slept.

Her brow furrowed and she gained a pained expression on her face. A nightmare? He blinked at the sight, and hesitated for a moment before standing and walking across the camp to her. Gently kneeling next to her, he heard her let out a low menacing growl, as she shifted violently in her sleep. Definitely a nightmare. His hand hovered over her for a moment before he decided against touching her and instead called to her, "Serena."

She thrashed in her bedroll, murmuring a 'no' that was barely audible even to his ears. He found himself swallowing some saliva in his mouth before attempting to call to her again, this time with more volume.

She shot up in bed and reached for his throat. His reflexes responded, grasping her wrist firmly enough to keep her from attacking him, but gently enough that she'd know he wasn't a threat.

"Serena, it was a dream. You're fine," Fenris soothed.

Her face relaxed as she let her arm rest to her side, she was panting. He guessed trying to steady her heart rate and slow her breathing pattern.

He stayed motionless as she took a few moments to compose herself before uttering under her breath "Fasta vass."

He gave a slight chuckle at this before apologizing, "I'm sorry. It's been years since I've heard anyone except myself use that one."

Serena gave a small giggle at this and waved it off.

"Do you wish to speak of it?"

His question threw her a bit off guard, she stood and stared at the camp fire, before slowly replying, "It was a lot of things. My time as a slave, mostly but also who I've lost. I don't miss slavery but I do miss him. He was the one really bright light in all of it. The days, hours or even minutes I spent with him, made everything else I went through seem worth it."

She gave a small laugh and added, "if that makes any sense."

Fenris nodded as he stood up and replied, "I think I can understand that. If you don't mind me asking, what happened to him?"

She adverted her eyes before replying, "I happened. He sacrificed himself to save me. I'll never let anyone do that again."

Fenris' eyes widened at this before placing a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle rub as he offered, "it was his choice. The same as it was Marian's choice to leave me behind. I was angry for a while after I found out she had passed but I understand now why she did things as she did."

Serena gave a small nod in acknowledgement but remained silent, 'why should I expect anything different? Marian was the love of his life.'

"Would you like to hear it?"

Serena let a small smile grace her lips as she answered, "Sure."

She sat down next to Fenris at the camp fire. He looked in thought before beginning, "You know of the blight that happened nearly 20 years ago in Ferelden?"

Serena nodded her head in agreement.

"Marian's family came from Lothering, a small village that was destroyed by the darkspawn. They'd fled Lothering just in time to avoid being killed, only one of them didn't make it out alive. Her sister, Bethany, was a mage as was Marian. Bethany died defending their mother from an ogre."

Serena closed her eyes in sympathy at the last sentence.

"Marian managed to get her mother; Leandra, her brother; Carver, and her friend; Aveline on a boat to Kirkwall. Once they came here though they were met with more difficulties. They had no money left and though Leandra had been of nobility here when she left, the family fortune was now gone a long with the family estate. Marian and Carver were essentially sold into indebted servitude for a year to earn their way into Kirkwall, an arrangement made by her Uncle Gamlen. I met her after her first year in Kirkwall. I was fleeing Danarius at the time and hired her secretly to assist in taking out some imperial bounty hunters. Her only statement about that was that I had no need to lie to gain her help, she was happy to fight slavers. Over the years, things became more difficult for her. She went on an expedition into the deep roads to try to gain some financial status, while there, Carver fell to the blight illness. Luckily one of our companions, Anders, was a grey warden and was able to locate other Wardens who were able to help Carver. It meant he had to join the wardens however. Three years later, Leandra was murdered by a blood mage," Fenris continued.

"Kaffas," Serena swore under her breath, and shook her head. No wonder Marian had insisted Fenris stay in Kirkwall while she went off to fight who knows what.

"When we got word that someone we'd engaged in combat before was possibly still alive, she left without me. Looking back on all she went through before we decided to be together, I feel I can understand why," Fenris concluded.

"She didn't want to lose you as well," Serena stated.

He nodded his head in agreement adding, "But losing her was painful. I feel like half of me is gone."

"It'll never be the same," Serena admitted.

"I wasn't expecting to hear that," Fenris confessed.

"It's true though. You may meet someone else. You may fall in love again, but it'll never be the same as it was with her," Serena clarified.

Fenris nodded in understanding before asking, "do you ever think that there might be someone else for you?"

"No," Serena replied as she stood up.

"I lost him because he wanted to protect me, and for the first time I was unable to help him fight. I understand why it happened, but I cannot forgive myself," she revealed as she gathered her flask and headed off to a nearby lake.

' _She couldn't help him fight? I know she used to fight when we were teenagers. She was a body guard. That's unusual,'_ he thought to himself before brushing the thought off.

' _Maybe it's because she was injured,'_ he concluded, he had meant to only close his eyes momentarily but sleep soon took him.


	8. memories part 2

"Good form, Leto," an elven man with black eyebrows and white hair stated as he watched a young Fenris swing a two handed practice sword. The man noticed that the boy had loosened his grip on the blade as he swung.

"Only release your grip if you're aiming to provide a wider strike with less force," the man stated as he gripped the boy's hands in his own and moved his arms to mimic a strong swing, "forceful swings will cut through your opponent more effectively."

"Yes Papa," Leto replied in acknowledgement. Fenris estimated he couldn't have been more than six or seven years old.

He then looked behind his father to see his mother, with Varania on her hip. The little girl's fiery red hair was in pigtails and their mother was hanging up the laundry to dry on the line, quite effectively with one hand. Yet his father left Leto's side and went to his mother.

"Amaya, let me take her while you do that," he offered as he lifted Varania out of the woman's grasp.

"There's no need, I can manage," his mother insisted.

His father smiled lovingly at the woman as he replied, "I don't doubt it. But I'm only home for a while before I have to venture out again. Let me help."

Leto felt his face twist in disgust as his parents shared a quick kiss, then his father walked back over to him with Varania in tow.

Leto smiled at Varania as she got closer and covered his eyes with his hands, "where's the baby?"

He uncovered his eyes and made an 'oh' shape with his mouth before tickling Varania's ribs, "there's the baby. I found Varania."

Varania squealed with delight, and squirmed in her father's arms. Their home was small and simple, but Leto's heart felt light, happy and carefree as a child should be.

"I'm gonna be a warrior like you when I grow up, Papa," Leto stated with certainty.

His father chuckled, "son I fight as a warrior. I make my coin by working as a mercenary. It isn't an easy life. I have to leave you, your mother and sister for weeks or even months at a time."

What struck Fenris was how identical he looked to his father, and yet neither of his parents had red hair like Varania. Just the same eye colour. After his father had said this, he pulled Leto into his lap, and hugged both children close to his chest, "but that's what makes the difficulty worth it."

The images began to shift, and blur. The next thing Fenris knew he was huddled into a corner, he stood with his back to his mother, Varania was crying loudly in his arms as he held her close. He guessed she couldn't have been more than two years old. He was facing a wall and could feel his mother's body against his back, keeping him fenced in, while guarding him as best as she could.

"Soris please! There's too many of them," Amaya pleaded with her husband. Leto could hear the sounds of blades clashing, then the sound of someone being impaled.

'Papa's going to save us,' he thought to himself, but then he heard his mother beginning to cry, and he felt as if the air in his lungs had vanished.

"Soris!"

All was quiet except for the clanking of the metal boots against the wooden floor, then he heard his mother's voice. It was shaky, she was clearly upset as she pleaded, "please not my children. Please spare us. We'll go with you, just let them live, I beg you!"

He shook his head as his eyes opened he was sitting at the camp fire, and Serena was watching him.

"Seems I'm not the only one having bad dreams," she offered.

"It wasn't a dream. It really happened," Fenris answered.

Serena's brow knitted in curiosity, "what did you remember?"

"My parents. My mother was a house wife before she was captured, my father was a mercenary. That's how I learned to fight. My father taught me the basics, and I found what worked best for myself. Thing is, I—I never remembered anything about my father until now. I remembered being happy in Seheron, but I also remember—being captured and sold into slavery," Fenris revealed.

"This can't be easy for you," Serena stated in a sympathetic tone.

"Do you remember your parents?"

"No. I know what I was told about my parents. My mother was an elven slave and died in childbirth. My father was one of Danarius' apprentices," she answered, as she mentioned the last bit of her father she brought her knees up to her chest and curled into them.

"I never liked that. It's okay in the sense that I can pass for human. In a way that's lucky. I've never had to deal with the discrimination elves face, unless people notice my ears. It's who my father is, what that likely means that bothers me," she concluded.

She gave Fenris a weak smile, "At least you were conceived out of love."

"I suppose there is that," he agreed. He noticed her shiver in the night wind and gently wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close.

Serena shot a questioning glance at him he gave a small chuckle as he assured her, "I'm not trying anything. We don't need you chilling and getting sick."

Serena relaxed a little and leaned into his body for added warmth as she replied, "thank you." His hand rested on her arm furthest from himself, keeping her close to him in one armed embrace. Briefly a thought floated across his mind, _'somehow, this feels familiar. Even her scent.'_


	9. Reason

"Hold! You are in possession of stolen property, back away from the slave," An armored man bellowed to Serena.

This caused the woman to lower her head, her shoulders trembling with quiet laughter for a brief moment before she looked up at him, as she did so, her own lyrium markings began to glow beneath her shirt.

"Just one slave? Oh how I pity you," She hissed at the bounty hunter before pulling a small flask from her utility belt. She tossed it into the air and kicked it over towards the man.

Fenris drew his blade and charged at a group of nearby hunters. Serena drew both of her daggers and leapt up into the air, her back arching as she went airborne. She landed on one opponent, plunging her dagger into the back of his neck, severing his spine from his brain stem.

Fenris had activated his Lyrium Ghost and Serena was momentarily surprised that he could turn himself blue with his lyrium markings. Her own weren't as extensive. 'Maybe that's why,' she thought to herself as she dropped a smoke bomb and used it to hide her movement. She appeared behind another hunter, severing his spine with her dagger. She then blocked a hunter's sword with one dagger and activated her lyrium markings in her arm, she phased her hand through the man's chest and permitted it to partially solidify, squeezing his heart until she felt it rupture. She then phased her hand out of the fresh corpse and threw him at the next hunter.

She noticed Fenris himself had already disposed of several hunters. She smirked as she used another smoke bomb to hide herself and appeared behind the last slaver, she thrusted her daggers into his lower back, puncturing his kidneys, then forced her daggers out of the side of his back, leaving gaping wounds behind.

She sheathed her blades and looked over to Fenris with a small smile on her face. Fenris chuckled as he placed his Blade of Mercy back into its sheath on his back, and approached her, his eyes scanning for signs of injury while he spoke, "I remember seeing those moves before."

"I've gained a few more since we were kids," Serena replied with a shrug.

"All the same, if you have an oldie but goldie, don't neglect it," She added with a small wink.

He blinked a little before giving a short laugh and agreeing, "that is true. Let's go."

Serena eyed him skeptically, "You drew your blade back there… last time you heard the commotion, I know you had to, but you left them all to me. Or rather, I should say, you left them to come and kill you, or capture you. Why fight now?"

Fenris thought for a moment before offering, "this time, I felt I had reason to fight."

"Oh? Letaya, I'd guess," Serena replied.

"Well, yes—and a renewed friendship, perhaps," Fenris admitted.

Serena couldn't help but smile a bit at the last bit. They continued on ward past the caves, making it to a small village nearby. The two had enough coin combined for a single hotel room for the night and a few meals.

"We'll have to look for a few odd jobs tomorrow, build the coin back up," Serena suggested.

Fenris nodded in agreement, and nodded to the washroom, "You can bathe first."

Serena quirked a brow as she looked to Fenris, "Oh? I doubt either of us smell like roses."

"It's true. Still, it's better for you to wash up first," Fenris replied.

"The amount of filth we're both covered in you'd best get some water for your own bath," she recommended.

Fenris chuckled and nodded in agreement. Serena glanced round the room, her eyes falling onto the bed.

"I'll sleep on the floor," Fenris stated.

"The archdemon you will," Serena shot back. Fenris gave her a surprised look before reminding her, "you do realize despite the fact that we are mending an old friendship, I'm still a man and you're still a woman, yes?"

"And we're both adults. I can keep my hands to myself, and I trust you can," Serena countered.

A small blush tinted her cheeks as she added, "besides, it wouldn't be the first time we shared sleeping space and huddled together for warmth. Did that all the time when we were teenagers, awkward as it was. Survival was more important," she confessed before heading off to the washroom.

Fenris gave a small sigh as he sat on the bed spread, and opened his travel pack, looking through it began removing a few items he'd wash. As he removed the clothing from the bag, his eyes landed on a brown leather book.

He stood in the abandoned mansion in Kirkwall, the fireplace gave off a warm orange glow as the embers burned with in. He stood in front of it, watching the flames dance upon the wooden logs. He'd heard the foot steps approaching but felt no need to turn and face the person, as a sign of trust he kept his eyes fixated on the fire until he heard the voice of his visitor.

"I have something for you," Marian stated as she stood beside him. At these words he turned his body towards the raven haired mage, and felt an object being placed in his hand, glancing at the small leather bound item he found himself nearly stumbling over his words, "it—it's a book."

"It's a subject you're intimately familiar with. It's about Shartan, the elf who helped Andraste free the slaves," Marian confirmed.

"Do you know of Shartan?"

"A little. It's just that—slaves are not permitted to read. I've never learned," Fenris revealed, he felt the embarrassment and anxiety from admitting such a short coming grip his chest and stomach, squeezing them tightly.

"It's never too late to learn," Marian offered.

"Isn't it? Sometimes I wonder. I don't mean to be appear ungrateful though, I appreciate the sentiment. I've always wanted to learn more about Shartan, perhaps this is my chance," Fenris replied.

Delicately running his fingers over the old gift that had sparked many evenings of Marian taking turns between reading to Fenris, and Fenris reading clumsily to her as he learned two subjects at once. Learning how to read, and learning about a famed elf who rose up to say 'no more' to slavery.

Silently he wondered to himself, 'does Serena know how to read?'

He could smell her clean skin as she approached the bed, her hair still damp from the bath as she sat next to him, "I emptied the tub. You haven't fetched your bath water yet?"

He shook his head 'no', before looking to Serena. Maybe if she didn't know he could teach her as Marian had taught him.

He showed her the book of Shartan and asked, "do you know what this is?"

"I know what a book is, Fenris," Serena responded, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

He gave a small chuckle as he spoke, "It's about a subject we both know quite well. It's about Shartan, who helped Andraste free the slaves in Ferelden. It makes for a decent read."

Serena raised an eyebrow, "And I suppose your wife taught you to read?"

"she did," he confirmed, "when we were friends she happened across this book and thought I'd enjoy it, not knowing I couldn't read—so she offered to teach me."

'Lucky,' Serena growled to herself.

"I could teach you," his voice broke through her thoughts.

"What?"

"I could teach you to read. I'm sure Marian had more temperament to teach than I do, it's true, but I'm willing to try if you are," he offered.

Serena bit her lip in contemplation before asking, "could we start after dinner?"

Fenris nodded in agreement, "I think we could manage that."


	10. Suledin

Serena rubbed her temples clearly tired from the day's events and the evening. They'd managed to get the first two chapters of the book of Shartan read between them, but now fatigue was setting in physically and mentally.

Fenris gave her a sympathetic look and nodded to the bed.

Serena shook her head 'no' at the gesture, "I am not waking up to find you on the floor like an animal."

"Men are animals. Some are just more tame than others," Fenris joked.

Serena gave a small chuckle at this, and shook her head, "I happen to have known you well enough to know you are one of the men in the world that have strong control over themselves, Fenris."

"And that isn't really true. Men, true men, are not animals. I've come to learn that over the years. I thought it when I was younger," Serena admitted.

Fenris eyed her facial expression before cautiously offering, "if you wish to talk about it, I will listen, if not I will not press the matter."

Serena shrugged gave a small shrug, "I've been with many men—when I was a slave. Most of them I was with unwillingly, except one."

"The one you lost," Fenris guessed.

Serena nodded to indicate this was true, "I was only with him one night. Once was enough. In that one instance, he showed and gave me so much. I could never thank him enough."

"He was that good to you?"

Serena met Fenris' gaze as she confirmed, "he didn't need to be. It was forbidden, our endeavor. Two slaves were not permitted to form attachments to each other, unless they were family and even then only as a family unit. Danarius found out about he and I. It took Danarius and Minerva all of two minutes to decide they were going to kill me for it. That they'd make an example of me —and my love said that if someone had to pay for our actions it would be him, he struck a bargain, my life for his."

She discretely brushed a tear away, moving her hair behind her ear after doing so.

Fenris hesitated before placing a hand on her shoulder, "and somehow I made Danarius and Minerva agree to free you?"

Serena nodded, "when you won the competition, the boon was enough cash value for three slaves. So you freed your mother and sister, and with the last bit of the boon used it to free me. Since he'd struck his bargain with Danarius I—I would've died trying to get revenge back then. You protected my life doing what you did, because of it I asked for a boon. I never used mine when I received my markings, I asked them to let me stay until you woke up after the ritual."

Fenris' brow furrowed as he shook his head, "I don't remember your face being there when I opened my eyes after but—someone was singing a song. I remember that voice."

Serena glanced at him for a moment before he began to sing the song he could recall, "Melava inan ensansal, ir su aravel tuelvara, u na emma abelas, in elgar sa vir mana, in tu setheneran din emma na—"

He paused when he realized that Serena was singing with him and listened as she continued, " lath sulevin, lath araval ena, arla vent u vir mahvir, melana 'nehn, enasal ir sa lethalin."

"That was your voice," Fenris breathed.

Serena didn't respond verbally but gave a small smile as he voiced his realization.

"What does it mean? When the pain would get bad, I'd try to remember the words, somehow they were always comforting."

"the song is called Suledin, it means 'endure'. I tried to escape from them a few times before you came to be at their estate—and encountered a few Dalish in the past. One of them, a hunter, taught me that song before I was recaptured the last time. The lyrics translate as: Time was once a blessing but long journeys are made longer when alone within. Take spirit from the long ago but do not dwell in lands no longer yours. Be certain in need, and the path will emerge to a home tomorrow and time will again be the joy it once was."

"I knew that a lone hunter was no match against Danarius and I wouldn't permit her to sacrifice herself to save me. She gave me a few tips to help locate the Dalish if I was ever freed or escaped again. Why she was so kind to an elf-blooded child slave I don't know. The other slaves certainly didn't like me being there. Just you and Varania spoke with me or played with me when we were permitted," Serena concluded.

Fenris smiled as he gave a small chuckle, "I suppose a song about enduring was fitting given the situation."

Serena bit her lip lightly at these words.

"Thank you."

Now the woman gazed at him quizzically at his spoken gratitude he avoided her gaze as he clarified, "I felt very alone after I received these markings. I had no memory of my former life, no memory of who I was, or who I'd known. All I could remember was the pain I felt, and that song. When the pain got bad when—when Danarius made me do things I'd think of hearing that song and it kept me going. Someone once asked me if I ever thought of killing myself, and in truth I didn't. Killing ones self is a sin in the eyes of the Maker, I believe that. Had I not been able to soothe myself with that song however, it may have been a different story."

Fenris observed her momentarily before indicating the bed once again, "let's get some sleep. We still have a long journey ahead."

"That is very true," Serena agreed as she headed over to the bed she placed her bedroll at the center of the bed, separating her half from his.

Fenris raised an eyebrow at this act and she quickly caught the change in his facial expression. Without missing a beat she explained, "So you don't feel strange about sharing a bed. Unless you've changed your mind?"

"I—" he hesitated, in a way he had and in a way he hadn't, "am conflicted. I trust you, and yet I know how I still feel. While you're certain you're able to trust me, I lack the same certainty."

"Oh?"

"It would not be the first time I sought comfort in a physical manner from a woman," he confessed, glancing at the scarf on his wrist. He hadn't bothered putting his armor back on after his bath, and had instead elected to wear only his night clothes.

"your wife?"

Fenris nodded, "I'm amazed she saw fit to forgive me. It wasn't just comfort that I sought from her, I know this to be true. Yet I can't forget that when she and I first—I had just learned that Varania existed. I was hurt, angry, conflicted as to how to handle the new information, I'd killed Hadriana—and then lashed out at Marian in anger for all that Mages had done to my life. She didn't even want my apology after, she just wanted to know why I'd reacted like that."

"She sounds like a remarkable woman," Serena conceded.

"She was," Fenris agreed.

"I'm going to leave my bedroll there to divide us, if you decide you'd rather it not be there, then remove it," Serena suggested as she pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed.

"Besides, I think there's rats here. You wouldn't want them chewing on your toes in the middle of the night," she mumbled.

Fenris gave a light chortle at this before pulling back the blankets and climbing into his side.


	11. Lamb stew

Fenris saw himself, roughly about eight years old in the courtyard of Danarius' castle, the various flowers bloomed in bushes. He was keeping Varania entertained by chasing her while their mother worked in the kitchen. Once he caught Varania he'd tickle her neck, or lift her up in the air and spin her around before placing her back on the ground. Occasionally Amaya would look out of the window and check in on them, he'd spot her, but Varania was too preoccupied with him to notice.

A girl roughly his age sat by the fountain, tracing images with the water from the fountain onto the ground. He took in her mousy brown hair, and her facial features, she looked human, until she moved her hair behind her ear to reveal that they were similar to his own.

"I don't know why they made her into a slave, she's one of theirs," one of the other elven children announced loudly while looking directly at the girl by the fountain.

"I know right? Why don't they just cut off her ears then she'd never have to be marked as an elf. She can live as a shem," another elf child agreed.

At these words Fenris felt his eyes widen as anger bubbled inside of his chest while he thought, _'they think the magisters should cut off her ears? Are they serious?'_

He glanced at the girl and Varania whined to him, "Leto, she looks so sad."

' _I can't blame her. Shunned by both elves and humans alike,'_ Leto thought to himself. He took Varania's hand in his own and walked over to the girl with his little sister close beside him.

"Hi, I'm Leto," Leto introduced himself.

"You're new," the girl stated as she kept her eyes focused on the stone.

Leto noted that her drawings were evaporating as quickly as she manipulated the water droplets.

"Err—well, yes—why?"

"You wouldn't be talking to me otherwise," the girl answered.

She gave a heavy sigh, "in fact it's probably best that you don't. I'm sort of like the blight around here."

Leto shrugged, "well, I'd take the blight over being alone."

The girl finally lifted her head to meet his gaze and he found himself drawn into her eyes. They were the same as his, as Varania's as his mother's and father's.

"So why do they hate you? Because your eyes and ears are the only facial features of you that are elven?"

"More or less, also what I represent. Not like I had a say in the matter," the girl scoffed.

"Well, like you said, we're new here. Want to play with us?"

The girl raised an eyebrow at him before asking, "did an archdemon fall on your head? Andraste's great flaming sword. Playing with me, being my friend will have you earn a target sign on your back."

Leto laughed and gave a small shrug, "I can handle myself. Nobody goes near Varania without going through me. It's my risk to take."

"Then if they wish to have Varania they'll have to face both of us," the girl amended.

Fenris remembered feeling both of his eyebrows raise in surprise at this, "that so?"

"You're not the only one who can handle themselves," the girl confirmed.

"And I never did catch your name," he hinted.

"Serena," she replied.

The scene shifted, he was a teenager now, roughly fourteen years old.

"Leto, go fetch more wine for us from the cellar," Danarius ordered. Leto inwardly growled at the order but kept his head low and headed off to the kitchen to get to the wine cellar. He was half way there when he heard a girl screaming. His eyes widened realizing he knew that voice and ran the rest of the way to the kitchen.

He saw the girl, a guard was standing over her, his body was forced between her legs while he grabbed her wrists, she was struggling desperately to get him off of her. Then the guard's hand moved and grasped the girl's neck.

Leto glanced around the kitchen for a make shift weapon and found ceramic statue. It wasn't a sword, but it would do for now.

He lifted it and charged at the guard, raising the decoration above his own head before thrusting it against the back of the guard's skull. There was a sickening wet smack as the statue connected with the human male's head and the guard fell limply onto the girl. She didn't scream but struggled to shift the newly added weight off of herself. He gripped the unconscious soldier under his arms and heaved the offender off of the girl. Once he caught sight of her, his breath hitched in his lungs. Venhedis! Kaffas! Fasta Vass! That monster nearly got her. She wasn't joking when she said both humans and elves saw her as not being a part of either of them.

He out stretched his hand to her as he asked, "Did he hurt you?"

"Not yet," Serena replied as she grasped his hand, he gently pulled her up and onto her feet. She'd stopped talking to him after a while, mostly due to the threats both he and Varania were getting. It was partially his own fault it was easier to look out for Varania than to watch out for both of them. He'd tried to avoid that responsibility, but still found himself always running to her when she was in danger.

"Then I'm glad Danarius wanted me to fetch wine from the cellar," he replied, offering a small smile to the girl.

"You're Leto, Varania's brother, I've seen you with her," Serena replied.

' _And I used to play with you as well when we first came here,'_ he thought to himself, outwardly, he offered a smile as he gave a small chuckle, "Varania likes to talk."

"She speaks well of you, and your combat skill," she added.

"Does she? Well, perhaps one day it will serve us both well," Leto replied.

Anxiety began to creep over his friend's face, "Danarius isn't going to like what happened here."

"I'll take responsibility. I'm the one who attacked him, not you," he stated as he headed to the cellar.

He noticed the girl's eyes had widened as she hissed out, "to protect me! I can't let you do that."

"Try to stop me," he challenged as he left the kitchen and headed down to the wine cellar. _'I walked away once to protect you from the trouble I seem to get into. I won't make that mistake twice. Regardless of doing that, it seems you were telling the truth. Just being who you are attracts trouble, I'm not afraid of that,'_ he promised himself.

His dream shifted again suddenly his back was stinging as if it had been stung by a thousand bees. The crack of the whip resonated off the stone walls of the castle his arms were stretched across a table, and bound to one of the legs, his ankles were tied together and he was forced to kneel in front of the table as the slaver brought the leather strap across his back once again. He wanted to scream but he knew doing so would only result in more punishment. He'd lost count how many of these he'd already taken but he made no effort to protest.

' _It's better I take these lashings than Serena die for not wanting that man to force her,'_ he told himself as he felt the burning sting once more against his back. He knew he was bleeding, his back felt wet and the sweat pouring off of him from resisting his instinct to scream out in pain angered his wounds.

"The next time you hear a slave scream out, you will not intervene," Danarius stated to him.

"Yes Master," Leto answered timidly.

Danarius nodded to the slaver standing behind the scrawny teenaged boy. The man walked around in front of Leto and untied the binds that kept his hands bound. He almost sighed in relief, only then realizing that his wrists were raw from his responses to the lashings and yet being forced to remain still by the bindings. He wanted to rub his wrists, but resisted the urge to do so instead he reached behind himself and freed his ankles.

"The other slaves are currently eating, go join them. Tomorrow you will work in the stables and tend to the horses there," Danarius ordered.

"Yes Master," Leto replied as he got to his feet, he did not look Danarius in the eye as he left the dungeon and headed into the wine cellar, he'd just carefully pulled his shirt back over his head when he heard a girl's voice.

"Leto! I've been looking everywhere for you," a blond elven girl exclaimed as she ran up to him. What was her name? Odessa? Rana? Oh wait, he did remember!

He glanced at her "Why were you looking for me, Orana?"

"Because you're missing dinner, you silly. It's your favourite," the blonde child replied.

He offered her a small smile. She was young, a little younger than Varania and he thought of her as a second little sister, he certainly didn't want anything to harm her.

"Come on, let's go," Orana urged as she gripped his wrist, stopping however when he let out a pained hiss.

The child's eyes welled up with tears as she gently pushed his shirt sleeve up, showing her the bruises left on his wrists from the bindings.

"What did you do?"

"I helped someone," Leto answered, truthfully.

Orana's eyes widened before she looked at the door, "But then, why would Master Danarius hurt you? If you helped one of his guards—"

"It wasn't a guard that I helped. It was a girl, like you but a bit older. One of the guards was – going to do something very bad. Something no man should ever do to a woman. I just—I couldn't – I had to help her. I accept my punishment. Don't pity me, it was my choice," Leto replied, his voice becoming firm but still even toned at the end of his explaination.

Later he sat in the slave's sleeping chambers next to Serena. A bowl of lamb stew was in each of his hands, they'd been talking for a bit now, and she'd just gotten relaxed enough to take one of the bowls from him.

As Serena moved to take a spoonful of the stew, a pale hand snatched the bowl from her, and flung the spoon out of the window. Looking up they met the ice blue eyes of Hadriana. The raven haired woman sneered as she announced, "this slave will not be eating for the next two days. I'll see to it. Danarius may have let you off the hook, but I will not. You had no right to scream. You own nothing. Your body, your heart, your mind, your soul, are all our property. You'll do well to learn that, half-breed."

She turned and left the room with the bowl of stew in tow. Leto felt a pain in his chest as he watched Serena's expression. He felt his jaw tighten in anger over the situation. He knew there was no sense in appealing to Danarius, while Danarius had control over the slaves, he did not own Hadriana, and he didn't discourage her from punishing his slaves either. He glanced at Serena before smiling a little and filling the spoon with stew, told her, "close your eyes."

"What?"

"Trust me," he coaxed in a whisper. She quirked a brow at him but closed her eyes none the less. Leto gently placed the spoon at her lips, she opened her mouth and he slid the spoon in, letting her take the food from it as he extracted it. She chewed as he took a spoonful for himself.

"Why?"

He swallowed his spoonful and avoided meeting her gaze as he admitted, "I was a fool. I haven't adjusted to being here. I want my freedom. I hate seeing people hurt and not being able to do anything. I thought if I distanced myself I could keep you from being in danger. I'm not an idiot. I know the things I do will lead to trouble. I thought I could protect you from that."

He forced himself to look at her as he concluded, "I was wrong. You're in danger no matter if you're around me or not. I should've seen that. What happened today just kind of woke me up. I've missed being your friend. I'm sorry."

Serena felt her eyes water as she watched him, "you actually put yourself through that, thinking you were protecting me by staying away?"

Leto nodded, silently filling the spoon with food once again and looking to her.

"I don't deserve a friend like you," Serena whispered.

"You're stuck with me though," Leto joked.

Serena gave a faint smile as she willingly took the stew from the spoon again.

Fenris blinked his eyes open and raised a hand to block the offending sunlight, he glanced over at the other side of the bed and saw that Serena's bedroll still divided the bed. He grabbed it and tossed it onto the floor next to himself. With the barrier gone, he watched her face as she slept. _'What does she dream about? She's rarely distressed, but it still makes her cry,'_ He thought to himself, noting the dried tear tracks on her slumbering face.

' _I hope those tears aren't for me, my friend,'_ he inwardly pleaded.


	12. Realization

"I wasn't sure I could keep waiting for you to meet me here," his voice floated to her ears. Fifteen year old Serena looked over at him, he'd grown a fair bit in the past two years, his clothes that once hung off of him were beginning to fit him properly. His voice had deepened, quite literally overnight. She had agreed to sneak out of the slaves sleeping chambers and meet him in the stables. She knew they could both get into trouble, but she also knew he seemed like this was something he really needed her to do.

"I had to wait til the other girls were asleep," Serena admitted.

He nodded, and walked over to one of the horses, she was heavy with her colt and it would appear she'd give birth any day now.

"She's so close to having her colt, we've been ordered to take turns staying the night with her. Tonight's my watch," Leto stated.

"Do you like it here? Working the stables, I mean," Serena asked.

Leto shrugged, "It's alright… hauling horse manure and hay bundles has its advantages. Best part is being near a blacksmith though."

Serena raised a brow at that statement and he felt a blush tinting his cheeks as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a thin pewter chain with a pewter ring and a small solitary green gemstone. Her eyes widened.

He gave a small shrug, "I know green's your favourite. It's a peridot. It's supposed to protect against magic, night terrors, and madness—that kind of sounds bad, doesn't it?"

"No," Serena replied.

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at that single word, before indicating the necklace.

She nodded and turned around, lifting her hair. He unclasped the necklace and gently placed it around her neck, threading the chain under her hand that held her hair off her neck then fastened the clasp.

"Happy birthday," he whispered.

Serena smiled as she let her hair fall down onto her back again. He gently ran his fingers over her hand before she grasped his hand in her own. He gave her a small, weak smile, but the tension in his stomach continued to increase.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just—"he started to answer before losing his nerve. He began playing with a few strands of her hair, his tongue quickly darted out to wet his lips, his eyes gazing at her mouth as he tried to continue, "—I really like you. I— don't—I know but I—"

She watched him, slightly confused before giving a small giggle, "I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous."

He took a deep breath before rambling, "It's just—it's only us and—Prissy over there—she won't tell anyone if I—I mean if I could. If you're okay with it I – I want to, but I won't if—"

"You want to kiss me?"

He lowered his head to avoid her gaze, but gave a small nod, swallowing the lump of nerves that seemed to raise up into his throat.

"So kiss me then," she coaxed.

His eyes met hers with genuine surprise, he gave her a bright smile before he began to lean in. How did mother and father do this again? He leaned in closer, he gently brushed his lips against hers. After the feather light kiss he gently pressed his lips to hers with a little more confidence. He smiled into the kiss as he felt her kissing him back while her arm wrapped around his neck, he gently brought up his hand to cup her cheek.

After a moment he pulled back from the kiss still smiling at her, but the smile quickly faded when he saw she was quietly crying.

He gently thumbed her tears away as he asked, "what's wrong? Something I did?"

She shook her head 'no', as she grasped his hand, nuzzling against his flesh, "no, nothing that simple."

"What then?"

"I told you before, if you're even my friend you'll have a target on your back," she whispered, her voice was filled with pain and regret.

"I told you before, didn't I? It's my risk to take," he reminded her.

"And I'd risk it a thousand times if it meant I could kiss you just once more," he added.

Serena drew her bottom lip into her mouth, lightly biting it.

"If you want to, please don't hold back. I could kiss you forever," he encouraged.

"That's not good. We have to be able to keep acting like nothing ever happened. The Magisters can't know or we'll both be killed," Serena warned.

"Then let's both get our fill while we can. So we're not starved for a while," he suggested.

"What does this make us though? I mean we can't really date. Is this just a distraction?"

Leto shook his head 'no' as he confessed, "Not even close. You are a distraction—a torment even. I keep thinking of you, and I can think of little else. I just want to be around you all the time, as much as I can. I want to hold you, comfort you, keep you safe. I know you've told me you can handle yourself it's just—I—I don't feel like this about anyone else. I'm protective of Varania, yes but this is different. I've felt like this for a while. I'd hoped it would go away but it hasn't. It's only gotten stronger. I just—I wonder if maybe—there might be a chance that you—feel the same about me?"

Serena looked him in the eye, fresh tears beginning down her face, "I do, but I don't think we ca—"

Leto wasn't about to hear it as he insisted, "we can. We'll be discrete. Just meet up a few times a month, after dark, where there's no one else. We'll figure out a code or a signal or something to meet up. Maybe in Elven? You speak it fluently right?"

"I'm fairly fluent—we'd need another night to sort everything out," She relented, looking at the moon's position in the sky, "it's getting late. We'll have to wake up soon."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against his body, his chest pressed into her back as he nuzzled her hair and drank in the scent of her neck while he asked, "So I can't kiss you anymore tonight?"

Serena swallowed a little, "I—realize this is really out of nowhere—but, tell you a secret?"

Leto nodded as he cuddled her close to himself.

"I'm scared. Not just about us but about the Magisters, their guards. Some of them—prefer to take slave girls when they're young teenagers. You saved me the one time, nobody's tried since—but I—I don't—I don't want to lo—"

He gave her a quick and chaste kiss before assuring her, "you won't. Not tonight, but it won't be that way. I promise you, I won't allow that to happen."

Fenris shot up in the bed, panting heavily, his mouth was dry like he'd been devouring saw dust and his heart thudded against his chest strong enough to leave its own imprint on his ribcage. He glanced next to him and saw that Serena wasn't in bed anymore. The sun was now high in the sky and he didn't see Serena anywhere in the room.

He covered his face with his hands as he fell onto his back, his mind began to slow down and the dream began to process.

One sentence from his first meeting with her in the tavern just outside of Kirkwall began to play on repeat in his mind, _"you have a daughter!"_

He'd been so shocked by that news he hadn't pieced it together back then, but it made perfect sense. Serena knew about Letaya because she raised Letaya. Letaya was nineteen, eighteen when Serena had left her with the Dalish to go find him. She had been freed of Danarius twenty years ago and it takes nearly a year to give birth.

He was Letaya's father, and Serena was the mother of his daughter. If he'd felt like a fool when he left Hawke after being with her the first time, it paled in comparison to what he currently felt. Serena had known and because he desired being with her, he had ignored her warnings. If he'd just listened, may he wouldn't have the lyrium markings. It made sense now though. He'd gotten them not just for his mother and ungrateful sister. He'd gotten these markings to save two lives. Two lives that he was responsible for and both responsibilities were due to him giving into his desires. How pathetic.

He felt his breathing hitch as he realized one last thing, the boy that Serena said she loved—it was him. His teenaged self. Hawke hadn't been his first, but she was the first that he could remember at the time. He'd been a teenager with his first girlfriend the first time, and that girlfriend hadn't been with anyone since. Was she still in love with him?


	13. Friends

It was nearing noon when Serena retuned to the hotel room. She caught sight of Fenris and guilt instantly flooded her face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I heard of an odd job that paid well and went to check it out," she apologized.

"What sort of job is it?"

"It was basically a search and rescue, it's already done, got the coin, paid for another night so we can stay here but I'd definitely want to get back on the road tomorrow," Serena answered.

Fenris nodded, slowly.

Serena watched him for a moment before sharing her observation, "you're not upset because you were concerned about me. Having unusual dreams?"

"No, not dreams. Flashbacks, memories—" Fenris began, he hesitated before asking, "Letaya's your daughter, isn't she?"

Serena nodded, slowly, "she is. Because of how Danarius treated us—made us do, I couldn't be sure who her father was until she was born. You competed for your lyrium markings to save a child you only thought could be yours. We had no way to know for sure."

"Then, it wasn't just the one time?"

Serena nodded her head 'yes', "It was just once—but it was the best time, and the one that mattered. Soon after Danarius had given his apprentices and men open season on me."

"They weren't surprised that you weren't –pure?"

His former girlfriend shook her head 'no', "they knew why you took the lashings for me. They just assumed the drunk had done more than we let on. I sort of figured it was your child though. The timing made more sense. It was about a week after we – did that—that the first of the men began unmentionable activities."

Fenris' brow furrowed a bit, "so, you weren't fully certain but you suspected she was mine from the beginning?"

Serena nodded, "So did you. We were on a protective detail with Danarius and Minerva when I began to show symptoms. I was already late but I figured that was just the stress of what was happening. But without warning I woke up one morning feeling ill. I tried to hide it, but the queasiness just got worse as time went on. We were standing near them in the middle of a meeting with some high Tevinter officials and I couldn't contain it anymore. I threw up. Right next to Danarius. Both you and Minerva reacted. You wrapping me in your arms and using your body to shield me. Minerva grabbed Danarius' wrist and cussed him out for threatening me like that. 'It isn't the girl's fault you allow your guardsmen dogs to treat her as their personal prostitute,' being the main gist of what she told him, she told him right there and then that if he ever raised another hand to me while I was in that condition, she'd kill him herself."

She shook her head, "Minerva was funny like that. She didn't like to see young children suffer, but once you were able to walk, talk, and carry your own plate, you were on your own. I know she was protecting Letaya, not me. Everyone always kept the rumour that the other elven mothers cared for me when my own mother died in childbirth. That isn't true. Minerva tried to enforce it but they just wouldn't care for an elf-blooded child. So Minerva cared for me herself, she fed me, changed my diapers, took care of me when I caught my first cold. Taught me to walk, talk, feed myself, carry my own plate, my own cup. Then pawned me off on my Uncle who knew about as much about children as he knew about reading. He's the one that taught me how to fight and defend myself. It's the one thing he was really good at, but he developed a wasting sickness and passed away when I was seven. I didn't have anyone for that whole year before you came to the castle."

Fenris stared at the woman before him in stunned silence. As horrific as his memories were of Danarius and Hadriana, in some ways Minerva was worse. She had shown kindness to a slave, and then soon as the child was old enough to work turned a cold shoulder to her.

He didn't know what to say so instead he decided to update her on her former master, "Minerva passed on shortly after I received these markings… about four months, I think?"

Serena lowered her head slightly and nodded, "She was cruel, and loved to play games with your heart and mind. Yet I can't help but feel some grief. Without her I wouldn't exist. Letaya wouldn't exist."

Fenris out stretched a hand to her and she sat next to him, he kept his arm around her in a sideways hug on the bed.

He gave a heavy sigh, as he prepared to tell her something that he was certain she wouldn't react well to.

"I remember the first time I kissed you, at the stables on Danarius' estate. The pregnant horse, Prissy was the only witness to it," he began.

Serena gave a small giggle at how he had worded it and nodded.

"I didn't remember anything. Finding out about Letaya was a shock in and of its self, finding out that she was conceived through an act I participated in willingly even more so—" he began. He glanced at the red scarf on his left wrist.

"Marian was a virgin—until the night she gave me this scarf. The first time I was with her was when I began to remember most of my life from before the markings but strangely you didn't come to mind, and what did was so common I didn't think twice of it. I know you said that you're in love with the first boy you were with but—I'm sorry. He is gone," he concluded.

"And so is his heart, gone to another woman," Serena added on. She gave him a confident smile and soothed, "I thought as much when you said that you were married. Just confirmed that what I had grieved after Letaya was born was appropriately grieved. That said, can we still be friends?"

"Friends are always good to have," Fenris agreed with a relieved smile.

' _At least she isn't expecting a relationship from me. I'm not ready for that,'_ he thought to himself.


	14. Serena's memories

Fenris woke the next morning to the sunlight on his face, and a warm body pressed against his. Glancing down he saw the pale milky white arms, marred by the lyrium brandings wrapped around his stomach. She was cuddling into him, was she alright? Glancing over his shoulder he saw that she was still asleep but showed no signs of distress. He smiled a little in spite of himself, then a thought crossed his mind: had he had a nightmare? If he had he didn't recall it which was unusual. Normally he remembered the nightmares, but the nicer dreams evade his memory. He rolled over onto his side and regarded her for a moment. She was a strange woman. Her face showed no signs of the hurt she kept buried away, her demeanor was kinder than his own. She was undoubtedly strong, stronger than himself. She'd endured the same tortures, the same ritual albeit to a lesser extent, and even experienced other mental abuses at the hands of the magisters, yet she seemed to harbor no ill will towards anyone. If she distrusted anyone she disguised it well. In that instance he realized he envied her for that strength. When he'd met Marian he was untrusting, bitter, he'd justified that with what he had endured.

Now he wasn't sure if he had just been a coward, the same coward he was the first night he was intimate with Marian and for just a moment he could recall all of his past. Every word, every voice, every face. He'd left Marian that same night saying that he couldn't continue their relationship but he'd never stopped caring for her, or aching for her. Three years later they'd reconciled, and now after ten blissful years together, he was again alone. No, that wasn't accurate. He had been alone but not for even a day. Now he wondered if the bounty hunters Cassiel was sending after them had in fact been onto him and were waiting for him to be weakened or distracted. The letter from Varric had certainly accomplished lowering his defenses. The grief he felt that day felt like a High Dragon crushing down on him, it was all he could feel, all he could think about. Even whiskey hadn't numbed the pain, nor had he wanted it to. He had heard the bounty hunters and had thought momentarily about picking up his sword, but he had decided against it. He wouldn't kill himself, but if someone had wanted to speed his return to Marian's side, he wouldn't resist them. Yet their blades had never touched him, they'd never entered his room. A fact he knew he now owed the woman in front of him for. According to her though, he didn't owe her anything. He had saved her life long ago and she had simply returned the favour.

He glanced over her quickly. She always wore an old shirt that seemed ready to fall apart and a short loose fitting skirt to bed. The shirt had bunched up on her last night giving him a clear view of her stomach, and he noticed something from where her unconcealed stomach met the top of her night skirt, a single long scar going across her abdomen horizontally.

His gaze shot up to her face and a thought crossed his mind, how difficult had Letaya's birth been?

As if she could sense his distress at this thought the woman stirred, stretching before noticing his expression. Her face twisted into a look of concern and before she had a chance to speak he answered her question by running a finger along the scar he'd just noticed while inquiring, "how did this happen?"

Serena gave him a soft smile before grasping his hand and moving it away from her stomach, "giving birth. Letaya hadn't turned. I was hesitant to let Zathrian and Lanaya attempt it but if they hadn't cut me we both would've died."

A dark look crept over her face as she continued, "I hadn't known until then that Zathrian was a blood mage. It did allow him to control my bleeding though—first and only time I was ever grateful for blood magic."

Fenris' felt as if his eyes had widened to the size of tea saucers. A blood mage was responsible for keeping his ex-girlfriend and his daughter alive?

"Where is Zathrian now?"

"Dead. I made it out pretty far before Letaya was born, the gold that Danarius gave me was enough to take ship to Ferelden. That's where the Dalish found me and took me in. I was well away from Tevinter, like I'd promised I would be. The remaining value of my boon from when I won the competition was given to me in coin. I had enough to keep myself well fed during the journey. Letaya was born the following spring, and a few years later, the hero of Ferelden found our camp. There had been werewolf attacks on our hunters in the area. Zathrian kept Letaya and I safe by guarding our tent at night, if he couldn't remain with us then Lanaya did. I was able to fight again at that point but they wouldn't chance it. Recovering was difficult while caring for a newborn, Lanaya always stayed within ear range of us, and if not her then one of the clan elders were nearby to assist me with her. It hurt to do anything, even sitting or standing was agony. I never realized how much you use your abdominal muscles for nearly every single thing you do on a daily basis. I made the right choice though."

"You did," Fenris agreed. He hesitated before pulling Serena into a close hug, for once not caring how much of his body touched hers.

"Fenris?"

"I thought nothing could be worse than the thought of living without Marian, yet I'm accomplishing that. Now hearing about how I nearly lost two people I didn't even know were once important to me, one I haven't even seen the face of, I realize it's the same yet different for you as well. With so much history between us I—I don't want to lose you either. I nearly did, and I wasn't even aware—I cannot begin to imagine how the day after finding out about Marian would've differed if you weren't alive. One thing is I would likely be dead—or possibly a slave again," Fenris confessed.

Serena's eyes welled up at the thought as she gently cupped Fenris' face before informing him, "I won't let that happen. I'll die before I see you bound to another master."

"Don't die for me," Fenris pleaded.

Serena gave a slightly pained giggle at his plea before replying, "De ja vu. I said the same thing to you twenty years ago, Fenris. You didn't listen to me then. I won't listen to you now."

"I had a family to protect then," Fenris pointed out.

"Now that family will protect you," Serena countered.

Fenris sat up and gave a small sigh, "Serena—Rini—I still don't recall the decision to compete for these markings."

Serena blinked when she heard the name 'Rini', and gave him a gentle smile, "You're the only one that ever called me that."

She laid back and looked up at the ceiling as she began to recall the events that lead to Fenris being covered with the markings.

 _Sixteen-year-old Fenris sat next to Serena as she sat next to the vomit bucket, her hand resting on her stomach._

" _we need to do something," Leto stated._

" _Like what? I could use my boon for someone else's freedom, upto four slaves in fact, but I can't use it on myself," Serena replied._

" _Then I'll have to compete. Minerva said she won't allow him to continue using you as a bodyguard while you're in this condition," Leto decided._

 _Serena's eyes widened, "you're insane. These brandings hurt like nothing else when they go on you. I'm sure Danarius'll insist on the next slave having these markings all over their body. I was lucky it was just my arms but that's only because Minerva intervened and said that if they didn't stop the pain alone would kill me."_

" _Then why do you think he'd want them all over the next slave's body?"_

 _Serena's gaze lowered to the floor, "because of the power it would grant. The ability to phase through anything. My arms can phase through objects, but that's all. If someone had these markings throughout their body they'd be essentially all but invincible in combat. From what Minerva said though, that would cause such intense pain no one would be able to survive without healing magic to control the pain, to protect their vital organs, the slave would also need their memory wiped of everything leading up to the markings being branded into them so they couldn't recall the full extent of the pain."_

" _So if—"_

" _You wouldn't remember anything, Leto. It'd be like none of this, you and me, the baby, none of us would exist for you anymore. You wouldn't know me, you wouldn't recall my face, my voice, nothing. It would be like watching you die. You can't ask me to do that," Serena revealed, "—please don't ask me to do that. I can't."_

 _Leto noticed the tears beginning to cascade down her face. He quickly and gently wiped her tears away and pulled her close to himself, letting her nuzzle into his neck as he whispered to her in Tevene, "I won't ever leave you. No matter what happens a part of me is always with you. It's inside you, growing. We have to protect it. I have to protect you. This is the best chance I can offer you both so you can be free. "_

 _Serena pulled away from his neck and gave him a pleading look, "don't talk like that."_

" _It's father's duty to protect his child, no matter the cost," Leto affirmed._

 _Serena sucked her lower lip in between her teeth._

" _You're strong, amatu, stronger than you believe. We can do this. We can make sure this child is raised in freedom. I love you, the both of you. I will never leave you even if I don't remember, keep me in your heart and I will always live there," Leto soothed as he pressed his lips against hers._

 _The day of the competition, Leto stood in his armor a two handed sword fastened to his back. He was inside the castle Serena's back was against a corridor wall while his hand was on her stomach._

" _Doing alright today?"_

" _So far," Serena agreed._

 _Leto smiled broadly and knelt in front of Serena's stomach, gently kissing it through her dress, "you be good to your mother. Listen to her. I'm doing this for your freedom. I love you so much already, this is the best chance I can give you, little one."_

 _Serena swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as Leto stood up again so he was standing a head taller than her, and gently cupped her face in his hands as he requested, "and you, promise me you'll be alright. I can't imagine this'll be easy, but if anyone can do this it's you. You've always been strong."_

" _I don't feel strong," Serena admitted, a few tears starting down her cheeks. He was quick to wipe them away with both of his thumbs as he replied, "you are. All you've seen, all you've been through. You're stronger than I am. I can do this long as I know you'll be alright."_

" _I promise I'll try, that's the best I can offer," Serena answered._

" _I'll take it," Leto stated as he kissed her forehead, then brushed his lips against hers._

 _Serena wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in close to herself. She pulled back from the kiss then lowered her face to the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply as she drank in his scent._

" _No matter what, Rini, I do not regret that kiss or anything that led to this. I'm glad I kissed you that night," he admitted with a broad smile._

 _Serena gave a nearly bitter scoff and nodded, "I think that's the first free thing either of us did… well aside from how we ended up able to kiss."_

Fenris found himself swallowing a lump in his throat as he regarded Serena for a while before quietly uttering a 'thank you' and standing up. He grabbed his clothes and headed for the washroom to get dressed. Serena closed her eyes as she thought back to the last thing that Leto had said to her years ago.

 _Leto kissed her forehead again and looked into her eyes for a few moments before revealing, "your smile always melted me. When we first met that's what I wanted to see more than anything, and now that I have—I think even if they erase my mind I'd fall in love with that smile all over again."_


End file.
